Pale Blue Light

by Manners

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about

Morsecode Recordings MCR-007

credits

released 04 January 2014

Recorded by Ian Bates
Artwork and photography by Daniel Sheridan

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Track Name: Boiling Point
I fly this flag above my head
like my father and his father before him,
but these days I cant seem to fight
wars for causes that I just don’t believe in
Our children are born singing
the same old songs of confusion and hate
and we sit by idly
and let the dead crop rise to feed this country

Don’t tell me I’m no patriot
just because I don’t believe the lies they’re telling
If you opened your eyes for just one second
You would see the country you love crumbling at your feet
They failed you when they went back on their word
If you wont defend yourselves no one will
Track Name: Wallflower
Carry me home like the last time,
it’s late and I need to close my eyes
This week, this month, this year and
this stress is starting to get out of hand
Pour a drink, there’s my future misleading me over and over,
40 hours bleeding me dry,
casually crossing over the line.
One day I’m stable, the next day I’m not,
reliving nightmares I wish I forgot
somewhere between my mouth and the glass
lies the truth about who I am
I guess I don’t know myself at all
Have you ever felt like you could sleep for a thousand years?
Just close your eyes and forget to wake
just to get your mind cleared
I think I need a fucking vacation,
I think I need to stop and breathe
I cant take another day of this,
this crippling anxiety

Faceless, nameless, but I can’t stand to change this
I guess I’ll remain this, the haunted and wasted
I can't relate to other people,
I can't seem to find some common ground
I can't think straight in public places,
I just keep running my fucking mouth
What if this time is like the last?
I’m constantly tortured by the past
I have no idea where I’m fucking going,
I just know that I’m going no where fast
Faceless, nameless, but I can’t stand to change this
I guess I’ll remain this, the haunted and wasted
I don’t wanna be faceless
I don’t wanna be nameless
I don’t wanna be faceless, nameless
But I can’t stand to change this
So I guess I’ll remain this
The haunted and wasted
Track Name: Family Portrait
Lock the door before you leave,
this is just another story that I refuse to recreate
The sound drowning my liver is deafening,
I’m sick and tired of playing me, playing me
I’m immortalized in still life and black and white,
They’ll only know me for violent way I choose die,
Finally my face will never leave the public’s eye,
Privately and silently my fame comes at a price

There’s a glass woman in the basement
with all of my hopes and dreams,
So I’ll drink to the occasion in the fondest loving memory
I’ll be alone in my room with the symphony,
play me off for my final trajectory
Help me
Let me out
Track Name: Nothing to Fear
Lately I’ve been contemplating the reason we’re all here
I cant seem to find a reason for why
a quick story telling exercise from paranoid people lost in time
could account for a thousand years of violent crimes
You can call me a cynic,
you can call me unwise,
you can tell me I’ll burn when I reach the other side.

As long as I’m able ill be living my life,
free of the revelation’s butchers knife,
free of fear of the fathers glare,
free of the aches in my knees from pulpits prayers.
I don’t need to be saved by anyone
The truth is lost on somebody like me

Give me back all the people I’ve lost,
take away all of the suffering that I saw,
return to me all of the bodies of the innocent.
Until then, ill never trust the infinite.
But for now I’m alone and I’m doing just fine,
all I see are the clouds when I look at the sky,
got all the meaning in my life that I need,
I’ll never need another being to help me succeed.
I don’t need your prayers, I don’t need your pity,
I don’t need to be saved,
Your world wasn’t meant for me
Track Name: Rent
It isn’t hard to snap a neck with the weight of the world as leverage
Lowered into a shallow grave of paycheck after paycheck
Stuck between your wallet folds
is the cash you got for the childhood you sold
And now you’re wondering what happened

What happened is:
You sold your soul to buy the dream,
You were convinced “it would never happen to me,”
You bought a house with the money you saved,
You found the “perfect “ wife who felt the same,
You ate dinner every night at 8,
and every weekend was exactly the same.
Your perfect family became a machine
and now there’s no escaping.
This life we live, is it all a lie?
Keep wishing your empty life was something more than wasted time
Its all downhill from here,
a slow death making love to your office chair
When you come home late at night, the lights not on,
there’s no one there.
She left a long time ago with the money and the kids
and the life you shared,
now you’re left sleeping all alone
in a bed for two piss drunk and miserable.
Drowning in the cold sweats, you’re a nervous wreck
as you soak up the fumes and the toxins.
As you stare up at the ceiling fan
you wonder to yourself
“how the fuck did this happen”
Track Name: Legacy
Who am I now, who was I then?
The same person? I’m not convinced
A decade on my own, a lifetime left to live,
the end is coming quick and I have nothing to show for it
And I’ve been hoping this whole time
the words that I write would keep me from the grave
Nothing’s ever permanent, I’m just getting used to it
Trying to leave my mark on this but nothing ever seems to stick
I’ve spent all my time alone wondering about the life I chose (or didn’t)
When I’m gone how will you remember me?
Like a dream or like a vivid memory?
Will these words I write ever reach your lips or will they go unsung?
Promise me you wont forget who I am
When my bones are all gone,
will my words still be here?
Track Name: Binge
Keep your head in the gutter now
Hold your breath as your lungs allow
Ignore the fact your falling down
What time is this were all losing count

Drown yourself in your own shame
Sink or swim its all the same
And you still can’t see the fact
No ones buying your fucking act
Drown yourself in your own shame
Sink or swim its all the same

If you disappeared, no one would know, no one would care
Even nowadays when you’re around, it’s like no ones there

The only kind of art that you’ve ever made
is the vomit that lines your toilet drain
So keep blacking out day after day,
all that you do will still be clichéd
You may be the owl that sleeps through the day,
but I am the eagle that eats all your prey
Track Name: The Sun Won't Rise
The sun won’t fall tonight but when it does it will refuse to rise
There’s nothing left in this worn out vase that I call life
The flowers bloomed early and without water they died
You’re not the first visitor that I’ve had tonight
So take these broken wings and place them in a basic sling,
Leave my body for 40 days and then scatter the remains

It’s been raining for days on end; you can’t imagine the year I’ve had
Living in isolation, I guess I’ve lost track of my friends
The worst part of it all is I have no body left to call
I’ve burned every last bridge, tonight the sun wont fall

The sun won’t fall tonight, but when it does it will refuse to rise
There’s nothing left in this worn out vase that I call life
The flowers bloomed early and without water they died
You’re not the first visitor that I’ve had tonight
So take these broken wings and place them in a basic sling,
Leave my body for 40 days and then scatter the remains
I’ve been in my bed for days,
and I’m not sure what I’d say if I open up what’s in my brain

And I hate myself for this,
the constant disconnect every time my moods all shift
And I want to be myself, am I too far gone for help?
I guess only time will tell
Track Name: Equinox
The bone chill and the gloom around Connecticut fades
as the spring creeps in and melts the ice on the lakes
As the grass begins to show and sheds light on the graves,
I remember my home and the memories I've made
First steps and first loves left behind,
my friends and the places where we used to hide
The river and the bridge at dusk,
when no one I knew really gave a fuck about anything

Before the real world swept us away,
forced us to sit idly inside all day
Before playing phone tag ever came to be,
before money and the future ever mattered to me
Before I knew how little time we had left,
because I never took the advice my father had
“My son, don’t force growing up too soon
‘cause you’ll never get back the all time you use”

But this is my home no matter how far I go
I know we don’t really talk much anymore
and I don’t visit you as much as I did before,
but If you remember me and those times that we had know this,
I would give anything just to go back to that
I would give anything just to go back to that
Track Name: Living Will
Down the hall where my father sleeps
attached to tubes and wires dreaming of sheep,
the chemicals pumping through his veins,
no one prepared me to deal with this kind of thing
I sit alone in this empty room trying to eat
but I can’t stomach hospital food
I can’t stand the sight of him
and with every hour his breathing lessens
I can't stand this awful feeling

As the days pass by I float through time like a loosened kite
Hours of my life have disappeared;
I’ve already lost months this year
Every call seems like the last, “We did everything, sorry kid”
My mind seems to always drift away
back in time to those good old days
but I keep thinking “what if this is it?"
What if this is the only chance I get?
So I walk down the hall to your empty room,
I close the door behind me;
I’ve got something to tell you

“I know this isn’t who you imagined me to be but this is who I am, you’re too blind to see. Still your judgment hangs heavy on my mind, it still haunts me now after all this time. And I can’t help but feel like I still can’t make you proud, no matter how hard I try, I’m still lost in the crowd. I wish there was a way to be the son of your dreams yet I remain myself, somewhere in between.”

Even then all I see is the picturesque memory,
a memory of you and me laying on the sofa sound asleep,
the smell of cheap beer and mom's just smiling.
Now in my life pictures are everything
because I can’t shake this terrible feeling
that soon pictures are all there will be,
just still frames of me you loving and you loving me

And I know you love me now, but I picture a life where you’re not around and it fucking crushes every last part of me that you may never live long enough to get to see. A life where I rise above all the tragedy, making a life on the lessons you taught me, so as to honor the man you’ve created, I’m me because of you, don’t you ever forget it man.