Living Will

from by Manners



Down the hall where my father sleeps
attached to tubes and wires dreaming of sheep,
the chemicals pumping through his veins,
no one prepared me to deal with this kind of thing
I sit alone in this empty room trying to eat
but I can’t stomach hospital food
I can’t stand the sight of him
and with every hour his breathing lessens
I can't stand this awful feeling

As the days pass by I float through time like a loosened kite
Hours of my life have disappeared;
I’ve already lost months this year
Every call seems like the last, “We did everything, sorry kid”
My mind seems to always drift away
back in time to those good old days
but I keep thinking “what if this is it?"
What if this is the only chance I get?
So I walk down the hall to your empty room,
I close the door behind me;
I’ve got something to tell you

“I know this isn’t who you imagined me to be but this is who I am, you’re too blind to see. Still your judgment hangs heavy on my mind, it still haunts me now after all this time. And I can’t help but feel like I still can’t make you proud, no matter how hard I try, I’m still lost in the crowd. I wish there was a way to be the son of your dreams yet I remain myself, somewhere in between.”

Even then all I see is the picturesque memory,
a memory of you and me laying on the sofa sound asleep,
the smell of cheap beer and mom's just smiling.
Now in my life pictures are everything
because I can’t shake this terrible feeling
that soon pictures are all there will be,
just still frames of me you loving and you loving me

And I know you love me now, but I picture a life where you’re not around and it fucking crushes every last part of me that you may never live long enough to get to see. A life where I rise above all the tragedy, making a life on the lessons you taught me, so as to honor the man you’ve created, I’m me because of you, don’t you ever forget it man.


from Pale Blue Light, released January 4, 2014



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Manners Connecticut

Est. 2010 in a barn in Connecticut.

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